finding my happy place

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~ Sometimes that is the way you have to do it: you go right back to the beginning.~

Max- The Legend of 1900

Jesmin_25

I was reading her blog today... I cant say that i dont feel her pain...knowing the fact that she chose an idiot, selfish asshole ex of mine..She should have learn from my experienced. Cheater will always be a cheater, she should see it coming.... how can she think that a guy like him would really change for her... i know him too well..I was a stupid person too.. staying 6 years for a guy who i thought would change, but it didnt happen... When he broke up with me... Yes it was very hard, especially when i sacrificed so many things for him... i didnt eat, sleep well at night, constant drinking with friends, i couldnt even stand being at home with parents...but to think of it now.... what the heck was i thinking!!!! I dont know her well... heard some stuff about her, but a girl like her shouldnt stay with a complicated guy like him... Imagine that he dump her just because he is fucking bored... (excuse for the word) i dont understand that... it wasnt even a year when they had their romance behind my back... i mean... she should know better.... what he did to me... he could do it to her... now he has another ... what can she do? Nothing, but to let go, and learn from the pain....

my love life sucks. homos are hoes

la la la

lalalalala

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my north cemetery shoot did not go as how i expected it to be. one of the model did not arrive who was suppose to wear the bride's maid dress- which i don't really care as i'm having trouble as to how i'm going to incorporate the bride's maid in the theme that i conceptualize. instead, i asked jona as an extra- supposed to wear casual wear. i have 4 looks on my head, audrey hepburn, morticia addams and two 19th century chick. more than anything, i am more excited about this concept than the marriage theme litratoz guild organize, as it is more restricting and the only variation that i can get is movement and facial expression. 

argh! i was rooting for a high fashion editorial-ish...

but because of security constraints, we were compelled to shoot for only 2 hrs in n.cemetery, and as a result of it, the casual wear was put out of the scene and i cannot just enforce my own way as i am in a group.

another disappointment was the groom, he is too effeminate and something is quite wrong about his expression, like someone who is pissed off because of the impending marriage contrary to his preference, but still trying to keep a poker face. i wish i could have told him what was wrong, but then again, due to time contraints, the other 4 members shoot simultaneously as press my shutter. which leads me to the one-on-one shoot as planned... it never happen. again, due to constraints which is impossible given the time that we have. we also wasn't able to use the lightings because we don't have a lighting stand. the smoke machine which i'm most excited about was too lame, like someone just hitting a cigarette on the side of the model.

nonetheless, given all the rants, the experience was great. the members are very humble, which is re-assuring because there is no atmosphere intimidation. but the downside is, because most of us are newbies, this stopped us from making any comments for the betterment of the shoot. perhaps next time.

my shot's.

marrying peter pan

ramble: out of 68 shots, i've got only 8 decent shots.  comparred to 100++ and one 300++ shots the other member was able to take, it is quite depressing how come i've got only 68 shots.

hiddencries

It's like the only thing that could come out of their mouths is girls, girls, girls. They rank girls, they drool over girls, they talk about girls as if they were things on display for them men to talk about. It almost seems like for them it's like picking out a new shoe.

"Oh, this girl's pretty, but this one's better. There's something off about how that one looks like, plus she's a bit too talkative. That other one is fine, but she's too small. That one's okay, too, but her smile isn't that pretty. That other one, though, is just WOW. Perfect boobs, perfect waist, chinita..."

BLAHBLAHBLAH.

It's sickening. And downright degrading. It's annoying having to listen while the boys pick out random girls from the crowd, evaluating them like they're pigs being prepared for slaughter. As if they don't have their female friends listening from the side, seething with anger at having to watch the other girls being preyed on mercilessly.

I was talking to a friend on the phone, and practically all he ever said was "Ahhhhhh *insert name of girl*! Ahhhhh *insert name of other girl*! Ang pretty pretty! *insert manyak laugh here*"

And when he wasn't talking about random crushes (who, in my opinion, weren't all that out of the ordinary for him to react the way he did), he was talking to himself and laughing excitedly like crazy because he was, apparently, about to ask out the girl he liked. Through YM. I was asking him the whole time why he was laughing , and he wouldn't even answer me. He was too busy being too giddy at the thought of asking her out, that he was actually ignoring me.

Of course, I got mad at that point.

Yesterday, I and some coursemates from different year levels went to another university for a talk/seminar that was being held there. Of course, being engineering majors, the girls in the group were the minority. At the end of the day, I ended up commuting home with 6 other guys. And THE WHOLE 45 MINUTES THAT WE WERE TOGETHER all they could talk about were the girls from that other university.

Honestly, it's not very nice to hear them talk like that. They don't care at all that someone belonging to that other gender they're too busy preying on is actually with them, and that that certain someone was getting offended at the way they were talking about her gender-mates.

I cannot imagine how they could keep to that same topic during the 45-minute ride, because their whole day, from morning to afternoon, was spent talking about the same thing.

Enlighten me. Why are boys like that? Are all boys really like that? 

inggaygoingberserk

hindi ako pwedeng umiyak. kaka-perm lang ng pilikmata ko. sa ibang araw na lang. echos.

this morning i woke up, and i realized that noone knows anything about me. 

sometimes i feel like i'm so real that i'm non existant.

i want to live simpler.  a life where you can find messages in a bottle.  and walk across bridges.

i just fckked a girl

this is a pic of what i look like.  taken right now.

i told myself i wasn't going to. but seriously i couldn't help it. and i don't regret it.