finding my happy place

Why is it that even though it has already been a year and a few days when I last held you so close to me, still you haunt me like a silhouette in the midst of my peace. Feeling you and every inch of our memories is a secret that makes me weak, that I know what beats in me is so real. We just had to face the distance the second time around, that we chanced upon torturing each other yet again. Why must one stance not be enough for us and still we decided to part our ways? Because you still pain me more and more when you, not meaningfully refused to leave my mind, my heart, my soul. We bid our last goodbyes hoping to ease all the pain of feeling the real thing that cut us both yet everything else sashays me to back your warmth, your cure, your caress...

I wish that
I could be
The one thing
That you really need

I'm broken
And bitter
You left me
With nothing underneath

I drove you
Too far
I see that
But I can't find my fears

And I'd fake it
If I thought it
Would make it
Easier to breathe

I tell you baby all my dreams come true
When I'm laying next to you
Is that so wrong?

I tell you baby all my dreams come true
While I be there where you are
So I hold on

Dreaming of you, yeah
Dreaming of you


Didn't know just what to do
When you said we could be friends
I lied to you

Could it be the last good-bye
When this feeling never ends
You need me too


Will my dream come true?
I'll hold on to you
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go

you came

so hauntingly last night,

and felt so real

i wouldn't want to wake up

it was agonizing to hold you

so intimately

and passionately

yet,

only in my dream

On second thought

maybe not.

i always commit this mistake anyway,

being fickle- minded (with you) that is.

I don't really know if i may still have the same intensity of feelings over you, now that we consider ourselves in that stage as ex- lovers and now- friends. I'd have to admit though that there are moments when i still think about our past, feel giddy about it and imagine how things could have been and other sorts of what if's but to some extent it will just all be a blur once again once i've snapped back to reality. Im not really so sure why I am feeling this in the first place.. the fact that it actually hit me when i've come to realize that i cannot demand the attention you used to give me or somehow when i tell you something, it might not be of any interest to you anymore actually scared me. I really feel after that conversation we had, that the feelings have definitely changed. The way we talked justified that there was no love involved anymore and that we were just really conversing like how college friends would do. There was no love but the care for each other was just great and so obvious. Just like that. Come to think of it, the conversation was good more like it was really a perfect, friendly talk.

We only care for each other now, And im not so sure if the love can ever be rekindled and how do we rekindle that love anyway? The books that I've read all lied.

Oh well.

You wouldn't make a move on someone when there is just no spark at all or he or she just doesn't strike a chord in you. Atleast for me, I wouldn't even waste my time to speak to a person when i feel like it's just not going to happen. Now I realize how much i missed these details in the past, the time and effort you have given me and vice versa. There really was something we had. Now I can't find no one to fill that spot like it did. I will know when that person is just around the corner when I have no qualms and giving in is just so easy for me.

Sucks to wait in vain...