finding my happy place

so i have come to realize that no matter how much i change or how much i regret being the person that i was before, or although i try to be the nicest person around with all sincerity..things or situations still doesnt seem to treat me right. i go home and lay on my bed and ask myself what could possibly be wrong about me. i try to question myself a lot and i know i already lost a lot, and i dont ever want to lose again but no matter how much i try, i just don't get what i want to achieve. i am the kind of person who don't ask for more and would like for someone to accept me for who i am. i may not be the nicest, most wordy person..i just want to be accepted for the way i am..i just want to have someone to be there for me..someone who won't leave me..

people i want in my life just always fail me..or leave me..and im blaming myself for it. no matter how much i try, i am just left as a failure.

and maybe i should just start getting used to this

or maybe i should just accept that i am just really bound to be alone.

I am tired and weary from all the pain..

I have been trapped from all these relentless journeys and i want to get out..

a drink is not enough to refresh me from my thirst..

the music is inviting but my heart is no longer beating..

You and I

and a bottle of wine

we'll find truth, when there is wine

Just as soon as i've determined myself to stand up for the rules that i've composed for my being

here i go again feeling guilty of even coming up with these rules i set for myself

i tried to teach myself to keep moving forward by being less passive- aggressive

and much to my anticipation, i find myself coming back to believing the same sentiments i always had in me

the fact of the matter is that i wouldn't want my heart to be in complete control of my being but rather, my mind.

still, the latter has once again governed.

Now, if i could only be less of a softie then maybe, things might be easier for me to deal with..

Oh, how i always commit this mistake.